By Corrina Horne
The world has gone topsy-turvy in 2020, with plenty of ups and downs to challenge parents. Although parents have gone through plenty of difficulties—job loss, isolation, and uncertainty about the future, to name a few—children have also been saddled with upheavals of their own, and their emerging behaviours might have something to show for it. Whether your child is more prone to breakdowns now, or you are susceptible to irritability more than ever before, there are ways to mitigate some of the challenges presented in 2020, without losing your sanity or your hard-won parenting skills.
Parenting in the Midst of Change
Perhaps one of the most challenging aspects of parenting children in the midst of enormous changes is the difficulty you are experiencing, yourself. It is so hard to put your best foot forward, when you are in just as much disarray and mired in just as much confusion as your child? While it can feel as though you are expected to hold the whole world together with your bare hands while your children run amok, there is good news: processing the changes that have come with 2020 often means working with your children, rather than working against them or working entirely on your own.
Although parenting in a time of crisis—or even just in a time of transition—can be difficult and painful, there are several things you can do to provide stability, comfort, and care for yourself and your children. These include:
1) Feel Together
Are you struggling to keep yourself together, or are you prone to more outbursts? That’s okay! Being a good parent does not mean managing to wake up each morning, paint your face or crunch your abs, and hit the ground running (though those things might put a pep in your step); instead, being a good parent means being an example for your children and consistently giving them a safe space to feel, communicate, and live. A simple way to do that is to let your children see you feeling a wide array of emotions. Feeling sad, feeling angry, feeling confused—whatever the case, demonstrating that it is normal, healthy, and safe to feel a wide range of emotions lets your children know that they can feel those emotions, too.
2) Seek Help When Needed
Once again, children learn by example. If your mental health needs a little pick-me-up, remember: that is perfectly all right! And it is all right for your kids, too. Letting it be known that you need a little bit of extra help to maintain your sanity will not damage your children; it can actually empower them to do the same. Online platforms like BetterHelp make accessing mental health services far easier, particularly in today’s climate, and can be a wonderful tool for both you and your little ones.
3) Find Normality
There are a lot of things that might not feel quite normal—changes at school, at work, and even in the way you shop for groceries can feel overwhelming for parents and children, alike. Creating your own normality can help combat some of the feelings of overwhelm or fear that come along with a lot of changes. This could mean having tea together every day after work or school, or reading a book together at breakfast every morning. Creating traditions and routines can lend a sense of normality even in the middle of huge changes and disruptions.
4) Stay Connected
For some, staying connected has not been too difficult. Families who share a large home, for instance, may not have felt as acutely the restrictions placed on visiting with others 2019 and 2020 have brought. Whether you are a household of 10, with grandparents and aunts, or a household of 2, with only yourself and your child, make a conscious effort to stay connected to friends, family, and loved ones through drive-by visits, internet dates, and appropriately distanced activities. Regardless of whether or not the “new normal” persists well into the coming years or not, there are a plethora of ways you can make sure you stay connected to and involved with the people you both love.
5) Maintain Healthy Boundaries
Although it can be tempting to let go of traditional disciplinary practices, or practice more leniency than usual regarding meals, bedtimes, or other day-to-day issues, it can actually decrease feelings of safety and stability in children, and can exacerbate concerns and stresses for parents. If certain language is not allowed in your house, keep enforcing your language rules. If putting at least one vegetable on your plate is a must during supper, continue to enforce mealtime rules. Doing so might initially feel unkind or strange—and might even inspire some guilt—but it is truly one of the best things you can do for yourself and your children. Changes or no changes, you are still the parent, and your child is still the child. If you struggle to maintain healthy parental boundaries, BetterHelp therapists can help identify any aspects of your parenting habits that need some extra support or help.
Parenting in the Middle of Change or Transition
Parenting brings a lot of worry and guilt—perhaps never more so than when you or your children are undergoing large shifts or changes in daily routines and life. Whether it is a global pandemic, a divorce, or even a change in housing, change can be difficult for parents and children to navigate, and there are usually plenty of bugs and challenges along the way. Happily, with a healthy dose of mental health support, consistency, and compassion, parents and children can come through a difficult time with greater resiliency, stronger relationships, and a healthy sense of confidence.
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